May 21, 2016 by Joey Keogh
The lead-up to Extreme Rules 2016 has made such an impact on me that when it came time to check matches for this post I actually searched for Payback instead. Also, what have they done to Ambrose’s beautiful face in the poster above? It’s nightmare-inducing. What a night we’re in for tomorrow! Anyway, on with the predictions:
No DQ Match: Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin
This does absolutely nothing for me. I’m sick of Ziggler’s schtick and Corbin looks like one of those normal dudes who goes to Metallica shows looking for a fight. If this isn’t pre-show, I’ll be very upset because it’ll mean someone more deserving got bumped so we could watch two dudes with bad eighties hair roll around for twenty minutes to no effect.
Predicted winner: Whoever’s pants rip first
Extreme Rules Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Roman Reigns (c) vs. AJ Styles
It goes without saying that Styles deserves better than this and, given the weirdness of their Payback match, it remains to be seen what more is left for these two to do in the ring together. Where is this even going? Is Bálor coming to challenge his Bullet Club successor? Only time will tell, of course, but I’m getting kind of sick of waiting. Naturally, Reigns is going to come out on top again because Styles isn’t stealing the belt this early/late depending on whether you feel as though this feud has been going on forever. The EC rule is just a gimmick, with no real weight behind it, because Reigns can’t even handle himself in a normal match let alone a complicated one. At least Styles will still look great in his own right. Hopefully.
Predicted winner: Roman Reigns obvs
Tag Team Championship Match: The New Day (c) vs. The Vaudevillains
Once again The New Day look set to steal the show, with their consistently stunning combination of in-ring talent, on-mic skill, easy rapport as a team and just plain craziness. The Vaudevillains aren’t quite as exciting, but they’re talented and good fun regardless and this should be a stand-out, if not the match of the night. It’s also nice to see the stupid Usos being left out of the title race for once, giving newer and more deserving teams some time to shine. I think The New Day should hold onto the belts a bit longer, because being the champions is such a huge part of their persona as a team. Having said that, if they lose then that’ll kick-start a whole new story-line with them being butthurt as hell over being wronged so that’ll be even funnier. Whoever wins, we win.
Predicted winners: The New Day
Submission Match for the Women’s Championship: Charlotte (c) vs. Natalya
How cool it is not to have to write ‘Divas’ anymore. It’s the little things. Anyway, I really like this match-up and I think their feud has been good thus far, but it doesn’t fill me with joy the way a Becky/Sasha match would, for example. The Payback match ended in a very odd way, so aside from who wins and who loses, I just want to see these two get some proper time and a decent ending tomorrow night, as opposed to anything else. Whether Ric is going to show up and fuck it up for his kid remains to be seen, but they don’t really need him and it’d be nice to just get a normal women’s match with a definitive champion than any more messing around, because it does them a disservice in the long run. Also the poster for this match (below) is unnecessarily booby. Just an observation.
Predicted winner: Charlotte
United States Championship Match: Kalisto (c) vs. Rusev
No word yet on whether Ryback has been fired for real (here’s hoping) but man it’s nice to see him out of the US title race – even if it means Rusev is probably going to kill Kalisto (RIP). These two aren’t ostensibly well-matched, size or weight-wise, so the fun will come with watching Kalisto try to outsmart his much bigger, and stronger, opponent by moving around the ring as fast as he possibly can. Outside of that, we can expect lots of shouting for Lana as usual, especially when her man comes out on top after gaining the upper hand in the match’s final moments. Or, as I said previously, sitting on Kalisto until he stops living.
Predicted winner: Rusev
Fatal 4-Way Match for the Intercontinental Championship: The Miz (c) vs. Kevin Owens vs. Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn
The Miz is very funny as a champion, for sure, but I’m hoping he drops the title tomorrow night so we can get some real action from the other three men involved in this match. They’re all just bursting with potential, and even though it’s annoying to see them piled into a stupid bloody four-way instead of given the two singles matches they deserve, it’s still awesome to see all these guys get a shot at a PPV level. It’s hard to pin who the champ will be at the end of it all, but Owens is a joy with the belt so if it’s him, and that kicks off a three-way feud with Cesaro and Zayn for the next few weeks, that could be really great.
Predicted winner: Kevin Owens
Asylum Match: Dean Ambrose vs. Chris Jericho
It ain’t Extreme Rules without an…Asylum match? I can never get enough Ambrose and even I think this whole special gimmick match thing is pushing it a bit. It’s like they’re afraid to have him challenge Reigns for the title because they’re supposed to be brothers or whatever, even though that would make the most sense. So, instead, we get to watch him hit Jericho with a potted plant for twenty minutes. It’s not that Jericho isn’t great, or even that he and Ambrose aren’t well-matched, it’s just that this feud has already dragged on for too long and there’s no reason why Ambrose shouldn’t be going after the world heavyweight championship by now. Oh well, at least the two of them are going to sell the shit out of this rubbish.
Predicted winner: Dean Ambrose
Tornado Tag Team Match: The Usos vs. The Club
Evidently the WWE haven’t acquired the rights to The Bullet Club title as of yet, so for now Gallows and and Baby Gallows will be known only as The Club while continuing to dress like Russian dolls of each other. I despise The Usos; they’re completely boring in the ring and their work is so repetitive and their attitude is that of high school jocks who think they’re way funnier than they actually are. I want to see Anderson and Gallows destroy them tomorrow night, to show them how it’s done. And if they could also kill Reigns in the process too, that would be great.
Predicted winners: The Club
Catch Extreme Rules LIVE on the WWE Network Sunday, 22nd May at 8E/5P