Joey’s Summerslam 2015 Predictions

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August 22, 2015 by gorillapressonline

Summerslam posterThe idea of Summerslam being the second biggest show of the year seems almost quaint given the current state of the WWE. With more PPVs than ever, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to separate the must-watch from the glorified RAW episodes – they’re even too lazy to change the stages most of the time. This summer’s event looks set to mix it up a bit, with one particular match being billed as too big for the biggest stage on earth. At a whopping four hours long, Summerslam 2015 is going to have to work extra hard to be more killer than filler and, with a card overstuffed with matches, whether that can be done or not still remains to be seen:

Randy Orton vs. Sheamus
A match-up we’ve seen a thousand times over, it’s unlikely that Sheamo and Orton’s battle for nothing is going to leave any of us salivating over what’s to come next – especially not as we already know the most logical answer is: more of the same. These two have been separately doing some fun stuff lately, Sheamus in particular, and who knows, they may make some magic happen when they step into the ring again. They certainly weren’t terrible on RAW this week, for example. But, this is more likely to be a piss break kind of match, with the winner a consequence of whatever has come before.
Predicted winner: Randy Orton

Dolph Ziggler vs. Rusev
Ziggler just returned on the latest RAW, grinding to a halt a feud that had trundled along fairly easily without him. With rumours swirling that Summer Rae and Lana were being gifted a match, his bout opposite the Bulgarian brute Rusev is all the more disappointing. It isn’t the worst on the card (that illustrious title belongs to the triple threat for the IC title, or the one starring the dude from Arrow) but it still isn’t particularly inspired, or inspiring, either. The two women scheduled to be on the side-lines are likely going to contribute the most excitement here. Expect shoes to be thrown off, weaves to be pulled and a whole lot of screeching to ensue – and not the kind Brie Bella is fond of employing in the ring, either.
Predicted winner: Dolph Ziggler

Tag Team Match: Stephen Amell & Neville vs. Stardust & King Barrett
If you wanted this match, shame on you. Celebrity guest stars may have been good fun in years past, but nobody cares about Amell now, let alone after he’s somehow managed to triumph over two wrestlers who deserve better than this, alongside another whose main show début suddenly seems like a beautiful dream from a simpler time when a nobody TV star couldn’t wander onto RAW and get a match just like that. The three actual wrestlers taking each other on in a for-nothing triple threat would suck less than this. Hopefully this will be the last we see of Amell, a man so bad at acting he makes Eva Marie look natural.
Predicted winners: Stephen Amell & Neville

Triple Threat Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: Ryback (c) vs. Big Show vs. The Miz
I’ll be honest, I’m never going to be excited for a match that involves Ryback. But this one is particularly snore-inducing. Poor Show just can’t catch a break, and as much as they tried to build The Big Guy up as the only one who can force him into retirement, we’re just not really buying it because he’s so stiff in the ring he might as well be his own cardboard cut-out. Miz has been funnier and more watchable lately, than arguably ever before, but it’s doubtful even his inclusion in this match is going to spice it up any. The best we can hope for here is a quick squash after which Ryback retains and the once-glorious IC title continues being buried for no reason before being (hopefully) stolen by someone more worthy, like Cesaro  or Neville, or even someone unlikely like Bray Wyatt.
Predicted winner: Ryback

Tag team match: Bray Wyatt & Luke Harper vs. Roman Reigns & Dean Ambrose
Speaking of Bray Wyatt, what the hell has happened to him? Fresh from being buried by Taker at Wrestlemania, for no good reason, he’s gone on to memorably interfere in the Money In The Bank match, only for it to amount to absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. This week on RAW, Dean Ambrose was asked why he and his ex-Shield buddy are even feuding with the Wyatts. He basically replied “just because” even though there is a damn good reason: Bray cost Reigns the MITB briefcase. And yet, “just because” seems like enough of a reason for a feud even when there’s an actual reason available. Either way, hopefully Wyatt can catch a break soon and Ambrose can get involved in a proper feud that actually means something. This could be genius, given the amount of talent involved, but if it’s over eight minutes, I shall eat Bray Wyatt‘s hat myself.
Predicted winners: Roman Reigns & Dean Ambrose

Cesaro Kevin Owens

Fatal 4-Way tag team match for the WWE Tag Team Championship: The Prime Time Players (c) vs. Los Matadores vs. The Lucha Dragons vs. The New Day
It’s hard to hate this Fatal Fourway because, all things considered, every team that’s a part of it deserves their place (and none of them are The Usos, so yay). Although it’s an odd choice to establish The New Day as the #1 contenders only to make them fight against two other teams for their shot at the titles, the Dragons and, to a lesser extent, the matadors tend to make these kinds of bouts an entertaining mess of colourful, high-flying fun. So, even though it probably won’t be anything to write home about, this match is likely to boast some of the coolest spots of the night and, at the very least, it’ll be fun to watch.
Predicted winners: The Prime Time Players

Kevin Owens vs. Cesaro
Owens has been kinda underused the past few weeks on RAW and it’s annoying he isn’t involved in a title match at Summerslam. However, Cesaro is one of the most exciting talents on the current roster and he’s also totally over right now so this should be a real show-stopper provided it gets enough breathing time to establish a proper rhythm. Owens has a pretty big match opposite Finn Balor at Takeover: Brooklyn the night before, though, so hopefully he’s not totally overtired. Either way, a tired Owens and an on-point Cesaro still adds up to a better match than anything involving Ryback. Or the Arrow guy, for that matter.
Predicted winner: Cesaro

Divas Three-Team Elimination match: Team Bella vs. Team B.A.D. vs. PCB
The Divas revolution is upon us, and yet, instead of giving us two women’s matches on a card that definitely would have allowed for it, given the sheer number of bouts included, we’re stuck with this weird elimination thing that won’t do anybody involved any favours. The only saving grace will be if the ladies get plenty of time, or maybe event turn out second to last. The winners here are really of little importance, right now it’s all about building the division for the future. And hopefully this match, in spite of its stupid stipulation, will do that.
Predicted winners: PCB

Winner Takes All Match for the WWE United States Championship and the WWE World Heavyweight Championship: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins
This is probably the most highly-anticipated match on the card, aside from the Main Event, which is weird because it involves John Cena. The whole “winner takes all” angle is an enticing prospect, but it most likely won’t come into effect. If any match is going to end in a screwy finish, it’s this one because there’s very little chance of Rollins walking away with both belts and, consequently, of Cena winning. However, that doesn’t mean this won’t be a fun little warm-up bout before Taker and Lesnar take to the ring. Cena has been better than ever lately, and Rollins is a star. Who wins or loses is of little consequence, as it’s unlikely to be a clean one either way, but seeing Rollins walk away with both belts and getting that statue built in his honour as a result may make for some interesting storyline diversions down the line.
Predicted winner: Seth Rollins

Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker
The match that’s apparently too big for Wrestlemania is going to have to work extra hard to convince us that all the build-up has been worth it. This isn’t going to be Taker’s farewell bout, that will happen at the actual biggest show of the year, but it seems like it’s going to be a guaranteed win for him regardless, which is sad considering the mystique surrounding Lesnar after he broke the seemingly unbreakable Streak. Taker has been resorting to low blows lately, in a last ditch effort to best the Beast, so if he wins clean it’ll be a huge shock. But I do think he’s going to win and it’ll be lame and pointless but at least it’ll probably lead to more Paul Heyman on RAW. And that’s always a good thing. If Lesnar can steal a victory, he’ll be in arguably the highest position on the roster and there’s no telling where it’ll take him next. But, given the unlikelihood of that happening, we should be prepared to settle for him just getting really, really mad for the next few months instead.
Predicted winner: The Undertaker

Catch Summerslam this Sunday LIVE on the WWE Network at 7E / 4P

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